Took me years of jacking off to gay porn (inconsistently, just like you) to realize that I'm bi. The fear you have of faking it or tricking yourself is again, because of the preconceived notions about what it means to being bisexual. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to hear you claim the bi label proudly.
I was browsing the bisexual-tagged subjects on Reddit when I came around a post titled, "Am I also bisexual if ..." You could see the whole post here, but in short, the authentic poster is a 17 years old, cause man and came out as bi a couple of months ago. The uncertain bi teen continued, "Sometimes I am 100% certain I am Bi and other times I am scared I might be faking it. It's just that I don't want to be accidentally faking it or tricking myself ... you know?
And we know you're special because your bisexuality manifests itself in different ways than other bi+ people. Ironically, it's being special (and experiencing your bisexual differently) that also inhibits you from claiming the bi label. And you have every right to claim the bi label proudly.
Let's go ahead and get started, taking it step bisexual step. And while I hate the notion of "50/50" because I think it's impossible to quantify attraction, and I feel it also excludes gender nonconforming people, I think we all understand what you mean. That's not to say these people don't exist, but from my experience, the majority of individuals who claim a bi+ label aren't equally attracted to women and men.
That doesn't make me or you any less bisexual. If we lived in a world where more people were open about their attractions to multiple genders to various degrees, you wouldn't feel as confused. If there was less stigma and rigidness surrounding what it "means" to be bi, you also wouldn't feel so unsure about your sexuality.
And I know how corny it sounds to call you special, but you are. And we know you’re special because your bisexuality manifests itself in different ways than other bi+ people. So you are literally different and special. Ironically, it’s being special (and experiencing your bisexuality differently) that also inhibits you from claiming the bi label. So know this. You are special. You are bi. Your attractions may change over time. And you have every right to claim the bi label proudly.